A Hala Mat of Trust, Peace and Connection

Whenever I start getting run down or spread thin and actually listen to my Soul, it tells me “Wake up before everyone else, Emily! Set the alarm for 5 AM & Enjoy the quiet house, write, meditate, breathe. Get grounded and ready to greet the kids with a peaceful mind and magical ideas!”… In fact, it has been screaming those words to me for months. And months. And I always nod, agree, tell Spencer about my grand idea and how excited I am to wake up early. Before bed, I place my journal & pen downstairs on the floor. I lay my yoga mat out. I place a glass of water next to it. I am so ready and excited to wake up before everyone and have that time with Me. I go to bed feeling peaceful. I wake up two hours later to someone coughing. I wake up 2 hours after that to someone having nightmares. Then I lay there tossing and turning having trouble go back to sleep. Once I finally do, someone else wakes me to tell me they have to go to the bathroom. Then the alarm goes off at 5.  sigghhhhh. ugghhhhhh. nooooooo. I just need sleep. so exhausted. snooze button. Like 5 times!…. I finally get out of bed at 6, and then as I’m walking downstairs, the baby cries. So I sit with him on my yoga mat and surrender.

But some mornings, it does work out that I can get up before everyone and it’s

a m a z i n g.

For the last two days, I was able to have my time in the early hours of the morning and I felt such a shift in myself and the house and the kids because I started my day off by connecting to my Soul and Spirit and setting some intentions for my day. By breathing out the stale air, and welcoming in the light. And when everyone started trickling out of their rooms, I was so excited and eager to see them and share my peace and joy with them!

This morning, I did get out of bed at 5:30. And then as soon as I started walking around, Conner woke up. So I went with it and instead of getting frustrated, I tried my hardest to trust that we both needed the time together. And that I would get some quiet time later.

I have been praying for more connection to Hawaii, it’s culture, her land and Spirit; and for more knowledge of our past here. Yesterday my mom gifted Gavin an app on her iPad. It’s an app for kids called The Malama Honua, meaning “care for the Earth” in Hawaiian. And there are Hawaiian culture experts that lead children through hands on activities, take them on interactive voyages and introduce them to many native plants, animals and trees. I highly recommend getting it!  Gavin and Deia both spent some time on it yesterday and really enjoyed it.

This morning, in the midst of the breakfast craze, Gavin asked if he could make a Hala mat. My heart felt a spark and so happy that he wanted to do something like that! Yet, my mind started racing and thinking all these crazy thoughts like “ummm yeh right, with Conner grabbing and climbing and running all over?… there’s no way!… and how the hell are we going to do that?!… this is crazy. How do people have three kids? AM I ever going to be able to do anything crafty and creative with my kids? And poor Gavin everything he ever wants to do with me gets hijacked by a younger sibling. I suck. This is shitty. I should just put a show on……… ” My mental chaos and thoughts were going nutty. And my physical body just wanted to slump down because it hadn’t eaten, it was constantly removing the baby from the tables and couches and countertops that he was climbing on. Was  it nap time yet?!……

“Gavin, I really want to do that with you. I’m so sorry that I can’t right now. Can we try when Conner goes down for his nap?”

He walked away. I wanted to cry. But I quickly got sucked back into the cheerio and horsie world of Deia and Conner; helping them to finish up breakfast, get dressed, change diapers, clean up the high chair, etc etc.

About 30 minutes later, I found Gavin outside with 4 huge leaves from a Hala tree, soaking them in a bucket of water. He had taken one leaf out of the water and was cleaning it off and flattening it. He had found a knife and was trying to cut strips. But I didn’t even have concern or worry about the knife because I was SO happy to see him in that element. (check out this article on risk taking and allowing our children a chance to succeed).  And in a way, I felt like I was given a sign or hug from the Universe…. something reassuring me that it’s ok to not always be able to do everything with or for our kids…. that having them learn to do (some) things on their own and be self motivated is such a gift!

“Gavin where did you get the hala leaves?! I didn’t even think we had one of those trees?!” I exclaimed.

“We don’t. But our next door neighbors do. So I reached through the fence and got some of the leaves from their yard,” he very matter of factly told me.

I put Conner down for a nap, I cut the hala leaves in strips (as instructed by the wonderful lessons in the app), and we started weaving over, under, over, under together. And in our weaving and quiet connection, I found my Soul this morning. I listened. It said, “Yes. You trusted.” And I felt peace, joy, magic and Spirit. And love and gratitude. And connection with my Son.