Thank you, 2011

I find myself reflecting on all the beauty and balance of 2011….on Deia’s third month of life. All the lessons and experiences, the ascensions and plateaus. Last year at this time, I was meditating and asking the Universe for balance. As a mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter. All of the above. I just felt like I needed more balance in many area in my life. And then I got pregnant. So I decided it was a perfect time to go within, spend some quality time with ME and do some creating.

I was able to complete a 6 month Life Coaching Program, via Skype and conference calls, with a wonderful, intuitive, conscious woman. Not only do I know that someday this will aid me in my career (whatever that may be), but being part of this program helped me to find ways to keep myself grounded in my daily life. AKA stay balanced when everything around me might be a little (or a lot) crazy:). Through a morning routine of (kundalini) yoga, meditation, writing and getting creative with crafts…. I found myself able to sit on the floor with Gavin and be present in many more life situations. This morning routine and ability to ground myself at any moment has given me strength and balance and LAUGHTER when everything around me is chaotic.

Has it been more difficult going from 1 to 2 kids? No. For me, going from none to one was hard because I said good-bye to my independence which was always so important to me. It WAS me. It was my identity and love! All of a sudden when Gavin was born, I couldn’t run out the door whenever I wanted. When Deia was born, I was already used to that. My identity did not change when she was born, where as, with your first, you become a MOTHER.

Even though I say it is not more difficult having two, that does not mean that there are not MOMENTS of chaos and struggle. Or moments when I want to cry or scream. For example, it’s 3:30 PMmand Deia wakes up starving. So I get us settled and am breastfeeding her. Then Gavin wakes up. He is still sleepy and wants some water and a book and a snack and and for me to hold him. Oh, and he has to pee and wants me to pull his pants down for him. But I’m busy with Deia. Oh, and the phone is ringing and I have to answer it because it’s the guy that is coming to fix the internet. And then the guy that’s coming to fix the stove shows up at the door. And the laundry buzzer is going off. And the water is overflowing on the stove because I forgot that I was making tea right before all this began. Do I scream? Cry? Laugh? A little of each:)

My thoughts on 2011 and Spencer? In less than three years, Spencer has started and created Experience Nosara, a thriving and successful business…more of a Way of Life than anything. On a daily basis, Spencer is coming in contact with an average of 5 people…. and helping them to experience the beauty of the natural world in Nosara…sometimes an area that most visitors don’t experience. His passions and expertise shine and people leave wanting more. Sometimes I am jealous that all these other people get to spend all this time with my man, but I know that he is doing what is he doing because his passions and love make the world a better place….. He is leaving a (sandy) footprint on this coastal area of Costa Rica. What a wise, adventurous and dreamy dad that Gavin and Deia are growing up with. Not to mention authentic and living with integrity. I learn from him every day. ANd if you want to read what people are saying about him and the business..definitely check out http://www.tripadvisor.com/Attraction_Review-g656474-d2149230-Reviews-Experience_Nosara_Adventure_Tours-Nosara_Province_of_Guanacaste.html

On October 1st Deia Soleil was born. And although she was born under the moon, she is truly our sunshine. This little girl smiles and every part of her body moves and sings. It’s as if there were angels within. Her energy and sol are contagious already…at just 3 months old. She was born a Libra, which astrologically is the sign of balance- and I feel like she really brought me that, via my pregnancy, her birth and now her personality and make-up. The first two weeks of life she was throwing up several times a day, and the internet told me this was GERD or reflux. My intuition told me this was a food sensitivity or allergy. After a two week elimination diet, I learned that about 80% of what I was eating bothered her tummy. So I took things out, added things in and in doing that, found a beautiful balance in my relationship with food. More on that to come in another blog entry. For now, I say this because it was a big part of 2011 for me. And even though there were moments of frustration when I couldn’t get the chocolate croissant or banana muffin, I am feeling so healthy, strong and balanced with food.

I’m in love with my little girl and it may sound weird but it feels different than with Gavin. It feels more playful or something. I feel suuuuch a strong bond with Gavin- more connected on a spiritual level- like our souls and hearts are one.  And with Deia it’s like this playful love, but I don’t feel so protective over her- And I can already see who she is- and she isn’t mine and I’m just here to learn from her and step back and let her spirit guide us or something. Maybe it’s because Gavin is my first born or something.  When I lay in bed with both of them asleep, I look at Gavin and I just love him with tears and my heart is like pouring out for him. Like I want to hold hands with him forever or something. And then I look at Deia and it’s just like I can’t stop smiling and I’m more relaxed about her and I just giggle or something. And I re-read the journal I kept while I was pregnant with her and I wrote about what I thought she was going to be like- assuming she was a girl even!… and so far- she is EXACTLY like what I wrote.

In 2011 Gavin learned to swim. His fish like nature came out and he thrived in the pool, and ocean. In just 6 days with his incredible swim teacher, he was swimming the width of the pool and diving for things on the bottom. He loves it. We also said good-bye to the diapers on his 2nd birthday and were so proud of him that it only took a couple of days to get the hang of not going in his pants.  Gavin is definitely 2 1/2 at the moment. But his heart is huge, although it takes sometimes many hours or even days for him to warm up and feel comfortable with people. He wants to sit back and watch people and assess the situation before jumping in. He  doesn’t like it when I tell him to say hi or thank you….and in that, I am realizing that I like it better when I don’t say anything and he says it on his own. It’s much more authentic, and I’m leading by example. He speaks from his heart and usually talks about the gift someone gave him once we’re home. And on his own, he will tell me that he is grateful (yes, he uses that word). He will randomly start talking about someone at dinner and want me to call them and ask how they are feeling. His thoughts run deep and from a loving heart, and it is really showing in his relationship with Deia. He cares for her so much, and is (usually) soft and gentle with her. He always tells me what she wants or needs when she is crying. And he will put his fork down and climb down from his chair when he hears her wake up. “Mama, I am going  to go say good morning to Deia and ask her what she wants to do today.”  And he once told a stranger, “My sister Deia is really pretty.”  And on the flip side, Deia loves watching Gavin and just smiles at him non-stop. What a beautiful sight to experience.

Where we’re at right now? Time in Nosara is flying. I really do love a lot about this place. The yoga classes, the people, the beach, the simplicity, the weather for the most part, the health conscious community. There’s a lot  of ease, while at the same time a lot of chaos and STRONG energy. There’s so much healing all over the place with all these women here:). Crazy stuff right now. But I feel pretty blissed out and in love and happy and grounded. I’m just surrendering to all of it and everything and my career path and not worrying about it all- What a gift to finally be a mother of two young children and not need or have to worry about a career. Even though at times I want to start doing stuff for it, I have to remember how quickly this stage will pass and I will be sad if I spend it all on my career right now. Cause many of my passions are young kids and the foundation I want to set with them. So that’s where I’m at. There are moments that it’s not easy for me to live up to all that- but that’s where I’m trying to be right now:). Content and in bliss with sitting on the floor playing with Dora the Explorer.

The highlights of 2011 were being pregnant and having a completely different experience this time around (umm….afternoon and evening sickness!!), celebrating Neal and Fiona and then Jordan and Morgan on the East Coast, spending good time with all of our East Coast family and friends, visiting the West Coast twice to see family and friends, seeing our friends have babies, watching Gavin become close with his Tia Jen and Tia Kristin, having a healthy baby girl via the water with two remarkable midwives, our parents becoming Grandparents all over again, and re-evaluating our dreams and goals as a family.

Thank you for the sun, rain and clouds of 2011. We surely made rainbows out of it all.  And Hello 2012- it is nice to meet you. Something tells me this year is going to be all about Family the ones made from blood and the ones we have chosen to be our kids’ aunts and uncles and cousins…..sharing, celebrating and spreading the love and light.