ooh Gavin

I would have loved to have told people that the Terrible Twos didn’t exist with my child. I would have loved to say that it’s all how we approach it as parents. I would have loved to just miss out on this trying stage that we are in right now. But the truth is, Gavin is 2 1/2. And we have had some terrible moments. Although, terrible seems a little harsh and insensitive. I can’t really write or say it without cringing. Maybe more like “Tiring Twos” or “Trying Twos”?

Sometimes Spencer and I just look at each other with big eyes. Sometimes we ask each other if this is our child. Sometimes we have to turn around or walk away to laugh because really- in the big picture it’s almost funny. Sometimes it is hilarious. But at the end of the day, or heck- even at the beginning of the day- well, sometimes it is just not funny and it’s highly annoying and really gets to you on that deep level.

So what defines this stage of “terrible twos?” Well, for us it has been a lot more whining, crying for no reason at all (well, I’m sure there’s a reason, but it isn’t apparent), tantrums for no apparent reason, and an effort to be in control.

For example, life is moving along just swimmingly. We will all be sitting in the living room playing with legos. And then I will take a yellow lego and place it on top of a blue lego. And then WHAM…. crying, throwing of arms, someone is yelling “NOooooo!” and then runs to the corner of the room and lays on the floor and says “I want you Mama I want you Mama.” and then runs over to me and says “NO I want YOU Mama” and then runs away when I try to hug him and lays back on the floor and hits it. All because the yellow one went somewhere that he didn’t want it to go.

Hmmm…..where did Gavin go? And who did he learn this from?

And should I just walk out of the room?

Should I put him in a time out?

Do I try to reason with him and talk about it?

And depending on how I’m feeling at the moment and what kind of day I’ve had and how tired I am, my instinct tells me totally different things on how to handle this situation. Sometimes I just want to lay down on the floor myself and start crying. Sometimes I want to yell back. Sometimes I just want to walk into the bedroom and lock the door.

I have really enjoyed what this website has to say about this stage: http://www.ahaparenting.com and I try to follow what she suggests because it resonates in me and makes sense. It goes along with how I feel as a parent and with what I know about child development.

Any-whoo… that’s what we’re working on right now with our little “I can do it” man. At the same time, this stage is so beautiful and incredible. There are so many beautiful things that come out of an hour with this guy. What a sweet soul he is. And that hug and kiss that he offers me on his own just makes everything okay. And the way he rubs my arm in his sleep, or scratches my back as we lay in bed. I love how he emphasizes certain words when he talks and uses his hands to get his point across. I love that he wants to sit on the counter and help me cook. I love that he is starting to play with his imagination and create stories and when we’re walking on the street he’s singing (or yelling) The Itsy Bitsy Spider. (In a country that doesn’t speak English). I am impressed by his Spanish skills and I love how he knows who to say “Adios” to, and who to say “Bye” to.

Oh sweet Gavin. This morning he was having a rough one. Nothing was really going his way and life was moving too quickly for him, I think. And he just kept acting out, over-reacting and whining. So you know what I did? I sat down on the couch and said, “I’m here if you need me or want a hug.” And a few minutes later, after he cried on the floor, he came over and climbed up on top of my belly:) and gave me the biggest hug and just held on so tight. For like 3 minutes. And then he picked his head off of my shoulder and looked at me in the eyes and said, “okay I’m ready to go on an adventure now.” Then he got down and went and found Spencer (who was probably hiding:))…. and said the same thing to him. And for the next 5 minutes as they got ready to go on an adventure he was this little moonbeam!….. The Gavin that we know.

It’s not that terrible when you have that experience. It’s trying, yes. It takes TIME, yes. It’s just part of being two years old and having all these new feelings and dealing with change and learning how to communicate. For me, I am trying to teach him through compassion and patience. Of course with boundaries….but with loving ones.

Day by day. breath by breath.