Coming Home (7ish Years Later)

It’s been a minute. I’m not sure why I stopped writing on here. I knew it was such a healthy release for me to express my inner landscapes and contemplations on life and motherhood. I felt better after I wrote. It felt like I swept my brain of 80 bazillion different thoughts and then got rid of the ones that didn’t serve me and made sense of this ones that mattered. So as I sit down to try and access those same feelings of clarity and inspiration and expressing my soul in an authentic way, I reflect on where I was in life in October 2017 and where I’ve been, and why I’ve finally come back here. In all honesty, there have been several times Ive come to WordPress and looked on here and thought- I should write!…. but something will side track me or I doubt myself, or I think- errr where would I even start?!!…. So here I am…. just starting. Not worrying about anything anymore. The desire to make the path clean and perfect is so real. Trying to let that go.

I digress though…. Conner would have been 2 1/2 when I last wrote and I think right around then was when I started preschool back up. So any time that I had without the kids was to do preschool. I did take Mondays… and the intention with Mondays was definitely to carve out time to write. But then I think Mondays grew into errands, workouts, and chores. The time to write became less frequent. I also think I started writing more on Instagram and using it as a photo album/journal for our family (and mostly myself)…. I got a subscription to Chatbooks and they would send me books with my posts automatically and it was so nice getting photos and my IG posts printed out. Instagram was easy and I didn’t have much time to write- so a photo and couple paragraph post was perfect. But for awhile now, I have also felt a bit paralyzed before posting on IG and would keep things pretty surface and general. And here I am left craving more…. there’s sooo much more I need to get out.

In 2024 I chose the world alignment for my word of the year. My intention was to get back into alignment with my higher self, God, Spirit, my authenticity, my voice, the people that are best for me, etc etc…. to be aligned with that which served my highest path. In setting out on that path, that caused a bit of unexpected pain and grief. (ie friendships departing, detoxing from habits that have become comfortable, and a lot more alone time),….. In every situation that was causing this discomfort though, I KNEW that Spirit/God would not lead me astray and that I had to trust that certain people weren’t in alignment with what was best for me-EVEN IF IT WAS PAINFUL in the letting go. Even if I wanted to try and control things. The people pleaser, heart centered Leo in me wanted to make things ok and just sweep stuff under the rug. I didn’t want to listen to the signs that my body and heart had been telling me for awhile. It was much easier to just keep the sugar coating on everything. But as my meditation practice grew stronger (Evolve by Erika), I committed to my morning pages, and I cleaned up what I was letting into my body and mind; most things became more and more clear in all aspects of my life and I knew that as I was aligning, I was also letting go and I needed to trust that process to allow room for the beneficial things to come back in. It meant getting physically stronger (thank you Heated Haleiwa), drinking less alcohol (and being mindful when I did drink), reading more books, curating a smaller circle of friends (this was/is VERY VERY hard for me!!), eating earlier in the night, not taking everything personally (or maybe not caring if it was personal if I knew my heart and intentions were true to me), choosing family over everything, and the list goes on. The Mel Robbins book “Let Them” was so instrumental in my path of alignment in regards to people around me.

As January 2025 drew closer, I started thinking about what my new word would be…. but then I had a session with a foot zoner on December 30th…. and apparently I wasn’t fully aligned. :)… I had a wonderful session, and I was told that I had Dormant EBV amongst some other things going on. I was all on board and ordered the supplements the next morning that she had recommended. And then being that it was New Year’s Eve, I drank a bunch, stayed up late, and woke up the next day feeling AWFUL…. and was in bed for about 6 days with crazy aches and a low grade fever…. I truly believe that this was the beginning of a healing crisis that I needed on a deep internal level… another layer of alignment. I felt so awful that I wasn’t drinking coffee and was eating super healthy and light. So I figured- why not just start a heavy metal cleanse when I’m feeling better?!….. On January 8th, I started a 10 day parasite and heavy metal cleanse called The Sanctuary. More on this experience here.

After the cleanse, I felt SO clear. More aligned than I had in about 7 years I kept saying. So maybe my 7 year detour from alignment and writing/expressing was what I needed during that period. Life is funny. It’s all about the journey, not the destination they say. I agree. And I guess this means to enjoy even the detours away from what we know is true for our paths. Even if we know the path of our heart, we sometimes lose our way a little. I don’t think I lost the way, I think I was just letting my soul have a human experience. And the human part of me really thought that I could get away from doing the things my soul needed. Yet I truly trust that I found my way back here 7ish years later- the day of the astrological New Year…. The aligned me is ready and excited to move forward with my new words/symbols.